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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798646">Dawning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn'>jairyn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anisoka, Brotp, Depression, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), New Beginnings, Slavery, Slow Burn, Star Wars - Freeform, deep friendship, otp, rediscovering</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:28:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,075</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are hazy for Anakin as he recovers from the abrupt end to his marriage to Padmé. While he struggles to keep the days straight, he slowly finds a renewed sense of appreciation for little things he’d never really noticed before. Like occasional calls with his former padawan, the smell of fresh grass or a pleasant breeze blowing across his skin. Maybe he kind of lost himself for awhile as he longed for a different life, but surprisingly not one he ever expected or with who he’d expected. Maybe the title of chosen one no longer held appeal, or weight. Maybe he just didn’t really want to be special anymore. Maybe he just wanted to know what it was like to be normal, to do normal things, to live a normal life. Was that even possible in the middle of a galaxy-wide conflict? If it was, would anybody understand the craving?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anakin Skywalker &amp; Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>246</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I really wanted to try a different tone with this, because while I prefer plot driven stories, I want to focus heavily on Anakin and Ahsoka’s relationship. A kind of rediscovering each other if you will. While there will still be some cuing to the larger events of the galaxy and the war, it will center mainly around their relationship and the way they reconnect after Ahsoka left the order.</p><p>So, in some ways, I might purposely ignore some canon things (mainly introducing characters or situations that involve some of those characters). Basically, Ahsoka still left the order as we know, but in this version her and Anakin kept in touch. Anakin and Padmé broke up in season 6 during the Clovis arc and just never got back together. So, all of this takes place after those two main events.</p><p>I hope you’ll have patience with me because it’s going to be a long slow process while I learn how to write a different kind of style. As many of my normal readers probably know, I have a tendency to focus more on plot and angst than just the development between two characters. Since so much of their bond is spelled out in canon, I don’t spend much time introducing it in a story but since this one is going to take a very specific turn and tone, I want that to be my main focus. </p><p>I just hope I can make you guys feel what this story feels like in my head.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          Time was passing, that’s all he really knew. It wasn’t good or bad, it just was. After the breakup he didn’t really want to think about anything, so all he did day after day was put one foot forward. It wasn’t always his best foot, he’d admit that. But it was a foot and some days, that was all he could manage. The council kept trying to get him to think about the bigger picture, the war as a whole. The chancellor kept pushing him to take his duty seriously, to fight for the Republic and he did... but his heart wasn’t in it. Not anymore. He didn’t really know what he was fighting for really, because even if the war ended, there’d just be more days of time passing. So, what difference did it make if it was passing in a war or cooped up inside the temple?</p><p>          Sometimes he felt lost, like the world was spinning without him. Like he was standing in a crowded room and watching everyone rush about with places to be and things to do. Meanwhile every little gesture he made took three times as long. Sometimes it felt like he just phased right out of existence, like his mind leapt to another time or place and he’d wake up days later wondering what happened while he was gone. It was like his body had taken on a mind of its own, it continued to function and serve but his conscious brain couldn’t comprehend even the simplest of sentences.</p><p>          And maybe this scared him, some. Maybe in some ways it was a relief to not always be thinking or feeling. Maybe he worried for his men, that he’d zone out and all hell would break loose. Or maybe he was there, he just wasn’t aware of being there, or he forgot he’d been there moments later. He couldn’t really be sure. But for now, not even his usual fear was haunting him. Nor the unending lectures from his master, or the worsening state of the galaxy, or the ache and hole Padmé had left in his life...</p><p>          Right now, the only thing he could really recall were small things, little things, insignificant things that he’d never noticed or cared about before. Sometimes it was a sense, like the acrid smell of burning metal, or the grinding screech of a badly tuned vulture droid. Sometimes it was the waxy texture of long blades of grass brushing across his fingers as they marched to who knew where. Sometimes it was the smell of violettas and commelina carried across a breeze. Sometimes it was just the absence of all other noises. It was like his senses were hyperaware while being simultaneously blinded and he didn’t know what to make of it. </p><p>          He sat back and looked at his chrono, stretching his muscles and loosening his shoulders before dialing the number. A tiny blue image of Ahsoka appeared above his wrist. “Hey Snips,” he murmured as soon as the holocall connected. As tired and frustrated as he was, he couldn’t help but smile when he saw her face. He remembered her. Which sounded stupid, of course he remembered her. But no, with how crazy things were lately and how strangely indifferent he was to the passage of time, he always seemed to clock back in when it was time to call or that she’d be calling. Maybe in some ways it was one little thing to look forward to, enough to break the clouds obscuring all else.</p><p>          “What’s wrong?” He almost rolled his eyes at her immediate concern. He could swear she asked him that every time they talked. Though it was probably a good thing <em>somebody</em> was checking up on him. Though he doubted there was much she could do.</p><p>          “Does something have to be wrong for me to call you?” he pretended to let out a heavy sigh.</p><p>          “Well, no,” she conceded, but crossed her arms. “But you’re not fooling anyone, I can feel your sour mood from here.”</p><p>          “I fooled the council,” he muttered in annoyance and sat back against the wall. “And the rest of the Jedi I passed between there and here.” She scowled and he almost laughed. It hurt that she wasn’t here but, he liked these conversations with her. They didn’t happen as often as he wished they could, though he always felt better after talking to her. And likely it was because she actually seemed to care about him. And while he’d usually play it off, pretend it wasn’t that big of a deal or make her play a game before spilling the beans, it was nice to know she wouldn’t let it go.</p><p>          The one thing about it that he didn’t like, was that he often found himself wondering who the master was really when the conversations ended. And tonight, that was an especially frustrating topic. </p><p>          “Well we both know how dense the council is,” she sighed, sitting down on something and studying him through the transmission. “As for the rest of them, I doubt they were fooled, they just didn’t ask.”</p><p>          “Oh come on, you really think any of them would ask if they’d noticed?”</p><p>          “Yeah,” she said. “If you weren’t so unapproachable.” It was his turn to scowl, but she just laughed. “What did the council do this time?”</p><p>          “Well, it’s complicated...”</p><p>          “What did you blow up?”</p><p>          “I’ll have you know, Snips... I don’t blow <em>everything</em> up.” Not that he could remember anyways.</p><p>          She just smiled to herself and looked away. “Okay then, what did you crash that didn’t blow up?”</p><p>          “If you’re going to make fun of me, I won’t tell you,” he said indignantly. Though even as he said it, it was hard not to crack a smile. Her petty insults didn’t really bother him, in some ways it was nice the way she needled him because it was distracting from the bigger stuff. He missed their games and jokes, so he’d take it however he could get it nowadays, even if it was at the expense of his dignity. If he had any... he wasn’t even sure anymore.</p><p>          “You’re such a drama queen.” She rolled her eyes. “Alright, you win. Now tell me what happened.”</p><p>          “Well, at the Chancellor’s request, I was given a seat on the council,” he sighed. Normally this would be good news, it was what he’d wanted for a long time. More so lately, though probably that was because he had nothing else to look forward to right now. Though admittedly all the zoning out kind of defeated the purpose of being there. </p><p>          “Congratulations,” she said excitedly, but then paused. “Wait, why aren’t you happy about that? Isn’t it what you always wanted?”</p><p>          “I thought so,” he sighed again. “But on principal they refused to grant me the rank of master.” He sounded whiny and he hated it. But at least he knew Ahsoka didn’t care if he exaggerated his annoyance or rather the expression of it. “It’s completely unfair! I’ve done as much if not more than Obi Wan by the time he was granted the rank but apparently I didn’t check off that final box.”</p><p>          “I’m sorry,” she whispered solemnly. “I never meant to ruin your eligibility for the rank by leaving.”</p><p>          “It’s not your fault, Snips. It’s just more of their stupid rules. Sometimes it feels like they just love to rub it in that I’m not like the rest of them. As it was, they were not happy about giving me a seat. Why would they promote me too?” He started picking absentmindedly at his fingernails. Once he might have really cared about the injustice of all of this, but it was hard to care about much of anything anymore. </p><p>          “Do you want me to come give them a piece of my mind?” Ahsoka asked, and this time he did laugh. Though that was probably because of the image that flashed through his head at this tiny little Togruta telling them off. Him included, since he now sat on the council. He half thought about saying yes just to witness that. That could be just because it was something he’d surely remember for a long time. </p><p>          “That’s a tempting offer, I’ll have you know, but I doubt it would make much difference. So, you might as well save your breath, and your <em>mind</em>, for better things.”</p><p>          She chuckled. “Right, you make it sound like I don’t have any to spare.”</p><p>          “That wasn’t what I meant.” He smirked at her, but she just stuck her tongue out in response. As light as the conversation had become, he felt a pang of missing her. Talking over the comm was great, at least it was more than he’d expected after she’d left, but he missed her here. Standing beside him, even standing up for him. At least when she’d been around, it had actually felt like anything was possible. Now it was just a long dark tunnel of nothing but obedience, like all fight had gone out of him. “But if you, <em>um</em>... wanted to come over... I’d like that.”</p><p>          He felt stupid as soon as he said it. It had kind of slipped out without thinking. He knew she didn’t want to be at the temple, and he’d been resisting the urge to ask but tonight the thought had spilled out before he could stop it and now, he dreaded her saying no.</p><p>          “I’m on my way,” she said finally, glancing around the room she was in. “Though I highly doubt the temple guards will let me waltz right in.” He felt this sudden rush of excitement and almost couldn’t contain it. Obviously, it wouldn’t be the same as running missions with her, but he was just so desperate for... well, a friend, that he’d do pretty much anything right about now.</p><p>          “Then I’ll meet you outside on the steps. They’ll have to let you in if you’re with me.” Hopefully he didn’t <em>sound</em> as desperate as he felt.</p><p>          “Well at least if they don’t, we’ll both be stuck outside.” He felt the attempt at humor, but he also felt a lot of bitterness too. He didn’t want to regret asking her to come but he’d give the damn guards a what for if they made this situation worse. The council too, if it came to it.</p><p>          He didn’t know how long it would take her to get there, but he figured he had enough time to pick up his room and make his bed. He even ran to the refresher to check himself out in the mirror, something he was sure he hadn’t done in ages. His hair was longer than he liked but at least he looked clean, though just in case he smelled himself and wrinkled his nose. He put on some deodorant and straightened his robes, running his fingers through his hair. Then he realized he couldn’t remember the last time he’d cleaned his teeth and did that too. </p><p>          Ahsoka probably wouldn’t care one way or another if he smelled since they’d been through a lot together often ending missions sweaty and sticky or covered in who knew what. But knowing she was coming was a good excuse to pull himself together again. And though he had no need to impress her, he didn’t want her whole time here to just be fussing over him. </p><p>          Once satisfied that he at least didn’t look as messy as he felt, he hurried down to the entrance of the temple and made his way out to the steps. He sat down on the top one and stared ahead at the bustling city so in contrast to the quiet boring life at the temple. While he waited for her, he found himself wondering what people did for fun. It was something he’d never really wondered about before. How they passed the time, what the life of a normal citizen was like.</p><p>          They all moved like they had places to go and things to do, just like everyone at the temple, but... surely no matter how hard they had to work to survive, they had ways to come down, activities they could do for fun alone or with family and friends. His eyes drifted down to the streets as he watched figures in the distance move about. Other than an occasional drunkard, they all seemed to know where they were going. None seemed as lost as him. </p><p>          He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he’d talked to Ahsoka, but he’d started worrying he’d somehow missed her by zoning out again. Maybe she’d thought he meant different stairs? Maybe he’d taken too long to get here, and she hadn’t waited around? Maybe she’d changed her mind about coming altogether? Maybe something had happened to her on the way here and he hadn’t felt it during his phase out?</p><p>          He lifted his wrist to call her, but just as he did, he caught sight of a lone figure making their way slowly up the temple steps. He almost ran down to meet her but stayed put. She didn’t need to know the little panic he just went through over something stupid.</p><p>          “Hey,” he said, when she was just a few steps from him.</p><p>          “Sorry I’m late,” she murmured. “I had a little trouble with my bike on the way here, but I made it.”</p><p>          “Do you want me to look at it?”</p><p>          “It’s okay, I took care of it. But it looks like I’ll need to buy a new sparker tomorrow.” She made it to his level, and he wondered if he should hug her or not. She didn’t make any moves to hint she thought they should, but it had been awhile since they’d seen each other in person. </p><p>          This was his Snips, the one he knew so well. Same as she’d always been and yet somehow, she felt different, like a new person entirely. Maybe that was just because she was no longer framed as his padawan. Now she was just a person, not limited to the only role he’d ever known her in. He didn’t feel like her master either anymore. And while he’d kept hoping she’d come back to the order, it was clear by the way she talked during their calls that she had some other life now, one he didn’t really know. And that wasn’t necessarily bad, it was just strange to think about. And admittedly he wondered if she saw him differently too. </p><p>          She still treated him pretty much the same though there was considerably less bowing down or ordering around. Was this what it was like to have a normal friendship? He didn’t know, all his friends since leaving Tatooine had been with varying power layers. Like he’d consider Obi Wan his friend, but Obi Wan was also his master. So, while sometimes they got along as friends, Obi Wan could always pull the power card and change the tone or end a discussion. Maybe that was what Ahsoka had felt like with him too. And now that she wasn’t under him the same way they were just two people interacting rather than a master and his padawan. </p><p>          “I hope I didn’t make you wait too long,” she said, looking him over. “I mean you’re a member of the council now, surely you have more pressing matters.”</p><p>          “No,” he replied quickly. Well if he did, he couldn’t remember. All he remembered was looking forward to seeing her. She raised a brow at him but didn’t pursue the topic further. “And you didn’t, I was able to do a few things before coming out here to wait.” He almost reached out to touch her but wasn’t sure. “But I admit I was starting to worry.”</p><p>          “Well you know speeders, they’re unreliable at the best of times,” she scoffed, gesturing for them to start heading towards the temple. “And mine’s a junker. It gets me from A to B, just sometimes through Q first.” He couldn’t help but laugh, surprised by the realization that he’d never fully appreciated her humor before. It felt kind of nice to be out here in the cool night air joking around with her like they used to. Everything was so different now yet reminiscent of the way it used to be.</p><p>          They talked about the speeder all the way back to the temple entrance, it was a nice distraction from his usual duties, though he might have gone a bit overboard grilling her for information about it and what she’d checked or what work needed to be done on it. But he also couldn’t help the pride he felt that she not only had an answer for all his questions, she’d already considered most of his suggestions. He was convinced by the end of it that if they sat down and took it apart together in just a few hours she’d have a bike that was like new. In fact, he’d even offered to help her work on it when he could get away for awhile, he’d even bring the tools. She hadn’t told him no, so he was hopeful it was yet another thing he could look forward to.</p><p>          Though admittedly it struck him as desperate that he’d gladly go work on a piece of junk just to escape the temple for awhile. But he shook away his confusion. He liked working on machines and he liked spending time with her; it was a win-win, not desperation. </p><p>          He glanced up at the temple guards when they got to the entrance, practically daring them to tell her she couldn’t enter. They didn’t, they just bowed respectfully to him and let them through. “Wow,” she whispered once they’d made it to the foyer.</p><p>          “Wow what?” he asked in concern, studying the way she looked around. </p><p>          “I don’t know.” She shifted a little. “It’s exactly the same.”</p><p>          “Is that a bad thing?” He almost cringed at the question. Yeah considering what made her leave in the first place, of course it was a bad thing. </p><p>          “I guess, I don’t know, maybe I just thought it should feel different now. It’s weird that it feels the same. But maybe... maybe I’m the one that’s changed.” She brought her arms up and rubbed them.</p><p>          “Well that, definitely <em>isn’t</em> a bad thing,” he said. “I think the Jedi order needs to change.”</p><p>          She glanced up at him. “Well, you’re on the council now, maybe you can help that happen.”</p><p>          “Oh... right,” he murmured. How did he keep forgetting that? Especially considering how long he’d wanted it? “I can try, but I have a feeling I’m going to be overruled all the time. Honestly, I don’t think they even see me as a council member. They’re just humoring the chancellor.” He sighed. They started heading towards the stairs. They could’ve taken the transportation tubes, but he was enjoying the feel of her presence and the way they chatted casually as they made their way to his room. It was nice to not be in a hurry for once. </p><p>          Occasionally she’d point out certain things remembering where she used to hide or where she’d left her mark in some way or another and it was a pleasant yet surreal conversation. In some ways it felt like they’d aged far beyond what they’d been, like they’d been gone for years and were coming back to visit. In some ways it felt like he’d never seen the temple before, like she was showing him where she used to live. He didn’t have the same fond memories of certain areas or certain games. From the moment he arrived, he’d been the outcast. Not raised in the temple meant none of the camaraderie of growing up and bonding with fellow younglings. The stigma of his title meant he was bullied or gossiped about. </p><p>          He felt yet another ache at the memory of his loneliness here. How many times he’d cried himself to sleep huddled up in a ball just trying to get warm. The way the other children looked at him like he had some kind of disease they didn’t want to get. The way the teachers turned their backs or pretended not to notice his constant misery. At the time, all he had was Obi Wan, and even his critical nature was far more welcoming than the other students. </p><p>          “Hey,” she said, poking him on the arm.</p><p>          “Huh?” He looked around in confusion. Oh no, he’d zoned out again.</p><p>          “You almost walked right past the door to your room. Unless of course you got a new room, in which case I probably should have asked.”</p><p>          “What? No... I mean not that I know of. If they’re moving me to a different room, I haven’t heard about it yet.”</p><p>          “Oh, I thought all the masters...” she trailed off as though she realized her mistake. “Sorry.”</p><p>          “Don’t be,” he murmured. “It doesn’t matter. I like my room.” It wasn’t the best room, or as spacious as Obi wan’s or Master Yoda’s but it was roomier than what he’d had as a padawan, it actually had a large window and they’d turned a blind eye to his need to collect things over the years. He had a desk and tinkering space, posters of old podraces, crates full of interesting junk he could use to build things. It served its purpose and he wasn’t really back at the temple often enough nowadays to feel cooped up there. </p><p>          He shrugged and turned towards the door and unlocked it with a wave of his hand. She followed him in and let the door close behind her. She’d only been in it a handful of times, but she’d never seemed to mind the clutter. </p><p>          “Make yourself at, <em>er</em>, comfortable.” He gestured to the desk chair if she didn’t want to sit on the bed with him. That was one thing he didn’t like about his room, nowhere for guests to sit really. Not that he had guests usually. At least not besides Obi Wan and the way he wandered right in, usually without knocking, made him less of a guest and more of a nuisance sometimes. Which speaking of... he went back to the door and pressed the lock. It wasn’t that they’d be doing anything he didn’t want his master walking in on, rather he just wanted warning if he <em>tried</em> to come in. </p><p>          He watched Ahsoka look over the stuff on his desk. There was something about the way she studied all the little pieces that he admired. He was used to people not really understanding his hobbies, but even if she didn’t understand, she still seemed to like hearing him talk about them. Considering the stress her departure had put on both of them and their friendship, he would have thought having her back here would feel awkward or uncomfortable. That didn’t seem to be the case though, if anything, it was relaxing to have her so close again. Even if things felt different now. </p><p>          He sat down on the bed and pulled his feet up under him, leaning back against the wall. He unhooked the clasps of his glove, loosened the straps and pulled it off his mechanical hand. Even as he inspected it looking for defects or parts that needed oiling, his eyes absentmindedly drifted past it to her instead. She was running her hand along the edge of the table, looking over the projects laid out as if they were the most interesting things she’d ever seen. There was almost a reverence to the way she absorbed what she saw. </p><p>          He watched her a few times reach out like she wanted to touch something but would pull her hand back like she was afraid she’d break them if she did. He wanted to tell her it was okay, but he lost himself a bit following her movements. She got to a case he had on the far end of the table and this time she did set her hand down on it. It was a small wooden box, barely impressive from the outside but it held something much more important. </p><p>          He stood up and came over to where she was standing and set his left hand down on hers. She blinked and looked up at him. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but if you want them back, you can have them.” She studied his face for a moment and then shook her head.</p><p>          “It doesn’t seem right,” she whispered solemnly. “I’m no longer a Jedi, I gave up my right to carry them.”</p><p>          “Somehow I’m sure you’re the only one that would think about it that way,” he admitted, but he released her hand and moved back to the bed to sit down. “If you change your mind, you know where to find them.”</p><p>          She studied the box a few minutes longer and he could see the temptation written across her face. But then she dropped her shoulders, pulled out the desk chair and sat down. “I don’t miss being a Jedi,” she confessed. “Not as much as I thought I would. But I find myself wondering sometimes, where that line is.” She blinked and looked up at him. “It’s not like what I did was normal, there’s no guidebook. And there are days when I feel like I’m crossing some line I don’t think I should.”</p><p>          “What kind of line?” he asked with concern.</p><p>          “I’m not turning into a Sith,” she muttered and made a face. “I just mean, there’s so many things that we were taught that meant you were a Jedi. So many things linked to who we are and what we can do. What of those are we allowed to do if we’re no longer connected to the order?”</p><p>          “That’s a hard question, Snips,” he said, leaning back against the wall. “And I wish I had all the answers for you, but I don’t really know. I guess I always thought if I left the order, I’d still be me and be able to do all the same things just... without the title.”</p><p>          “But that’s really not how it works out there,” she said. “People don’t care if you are a Jedi or if you were one. For all the good Jedi are supposed to do, people are suspicious of them. They don’t trust them; they think they’re responsible for the war and all the destruction. I know that’s not fair; I’ve seen both sides but... I admit, I never really thought about the way people view them.”</p><p>          “They really think we caused it?” he scoffed. “We’ve been trying to protect them. You’d think they’d be more grateful.” He crossed his arms.</p><p>          “Yeah, but you’ve got to admit, Anakin. For all the good the Jedi claim to do, what did we really fix? Maybe we stopped some invasions, protected some planets, but... what about after that? We just packed our things and moved onto the next battle. Who stuck around to cleanup? Or rebuild? It’s just... I know we couldn’t be everywhere; it just feels like we weren’t being utilized properly. Like all the council cares about anymore is playing politics. When was the last time you heard them express any concern for the people unless told to care by the chancellor or the senate?”</p><p>          “Well... uh...” he brought his fingers up to stroke his chin. Admittedly he couldn’t remember the last time <em>he</em> truly cared about more than his men. It was like he’d completely forgotten the people he fought for, as though the Jedi taught him not to care and he finally complied. So, if he couldn’t remember that, how would he remember the last time the council did? Whether he liked it or not, Ahsoka was right. Every conversation or briefing nowadays started with the chancellor. He dropped his face in his hands. </p><p>          “I know you want to leave, so why don’t you?” she asked. </p><p>          He rubbed his eyes, trying to stop himself from screaming nothing waited for him out there anymore. So where would he go? What would he do? Who would he be? He didn’t know the answer to any of that, though Ahsoka’s question made him suddenly wish he did. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I guess it feels like I can’t.”</p><p>          “Because of the prophecy?”</p><p>          “Yeah, maybe, I don’t know.” He dropped his hands in his lap and played with his fingers. He was scared to tell her the truth, but he also needed to. “When I was a boy, there was a bomb put in my head. The fear of doing something that could detonate it or make your master detonate it was usually enough to stay put and do what you’re told.” She sat forward like she was hanging on his every word, but he couldn’t look up at her. “The physical bomb was removed when I became a Jedi but... sometimes it feels like it’s still there. Only instead of Watto holding the trigger, it’s the council.”</p><p>          He didn’t quite catch what Ahsoka said but he was pretty sure she’d sworn or called them an unpleasant name. She got to her feet and started pacing. “You once told me that there was a difference between servitude and slavery, and maybe there is. But not for you.” She crossed her arms and looked back at him. “The Jedi didn’t put a bomb in your head, they put an idea. They called you some chosen one. They expected you to meet these impossible expectations without ever telling you what they were. And if you don’t, they punish you. That’s not servitude by choice, that’s the definition of slavery!” She threw up her hands in exasperation. </p><p>          He watched her move about the room for a bit as she worked something through in her head. He didn’t know why but as much as he hated this topic, watching her react in outrage to it made him feel something deep inside. Something he wasn’t used to feeling. How long he’d petitioned Padmé or the council or the chancellor to do something about slavery, <em>anything!</em> How long they’d refused. Not because they disagreed with him, but because there were always more pressing matters. Pressing for <em>them</em>, anyways. And every time his request was ignored, that part of him sunk just a little bit deeper. </p><p>          And now after what Ahsoka said, he wondered if maybe he wasn’t asking for <em>their</em> freedom so much as his own. All he wanted was permission to leave. Permission that no one ever granted him. So, to hear Ahsoka get so angry about something that no one else had ever understood, it moved him almost to tears. She didn’t know what it was like to be a slave, but she at least understood how terrible it was. </p><p>          He jumped up and pulled her into a hug and she started in surprise. She didn’t fight it though, thankfully. She hugged him back. For a few minutes he just held her, trying to pull himself together. But he couldn’t remember really the last time he felt... <em>anything</em>. </p><p>          “Thank you, Snips,” he whispered finally.</p><p>          “For what?” she asked in surprise. “I didn’t do anything.”</p><p>          “Yes, you did, but... I can’t really explain it.”</p><p>          He suddenly realized she smelled like fresh fruit. And he didn’t know why that was important, but now that he’d noticed, he hoped it became something he remembered. There was a sweetness to it. Something light, airy, maybe even hopeful. If smells could be hopeful anyways. What a weird thing to care about.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          Once he released her, she sat back down on the desk chair and watched him for a few minutes in silence. He wasn’t sure he liked the way she was studying him like she could see right through him. He didn’t really doubt that she knew or suspected more than she said, but for the time being he was grateful she didn’t bring it up. </p><p>          He sat back down on the bed and tipped his head back against the wall, trying to take a deep breath. He dreaded the moment she’d start asking because how could he explain what was happening to him when he didn’t even understand it? For the time being, he just wanted her to stay here, to stay close. To feel the buzz of the electric safety net that when she was nearby all would be okay. He didn’t care if that made sense to anyone else, but it really did feel like there was just this circle around her. That if you stood within it, you’d be safe. And maybe it was something she’d always had, after all she’d saved his life more times than he dared count. But it was something he felt really strongly right this moment.</p><p>          He was safe, he could relax, he could breathe. His head was clearer. “What do people do for fun out there?” he asked before she could turn the subject internal. He opened his eyes enough to see her roll her lips and sit back in the chair and he knew he’d interrupted her just in time. She reached over and picked up a pen he had laying on his desk and fiddled with it.</p><p>          “Well, I’ve learned a few things,” she murmured finally. “You can go to cantinas to drink yourself silly. You can listen to music. You can watch movies. I’m sure there’s other ways I haven’t discovered yet.” She tapped the pen on his desk absentmindedly.</p><p>          “Do you go to the cantinas?” he asked in surprise.</p><p>          “Of course not,” she said indignantly, dropping the pen and crossing her arms. He smiled in spite of himself. </p><p>          “You made it sound like you knew all about that.”</p><p>          “Well I do,” she said. “I’ve been to plenty on Jedi business.”</p><p>          “So, you’ve had a few?” he teased and she scowled at him.</p><p>          “Now listen here-” She put her hands on her hips and leaned forward. “If I was considered old enough to fight in a war or lead men into battle, surely I’ve earned the right to drink. Force knows I’d need it.”</p><p>          “You have indeed,” he murmured feeling a strange sense of understanding. “More than most.” Not that he liked the idea of her out drinking, but it wasn’t his place to say she shouldn’t. If that was how she dealt with the awful things she’d seen, who was he to say she couldn’t? In fact, he could probably use a few himself; there was a lot he wished he could forget. Though his brain seemed to be doing that for him lately. </p><p>          “Anakin-”</p><p>          “How does one go about watching a movie?” he asked before she could finish the thought. He didn’t want to talk about it. Not yet. He just wanted the comfortable safety, their occasional joking and laughter to continue. He <em>needed</em> it to continue. He snuck a glance at her, hoping she got the hint. It wasn’t really like Ahsoka to let a subject drop, especially one she felt strongly about. And he knew he was doing nothing to ease any concerns she might have about his behavior. But he also silently begged her to. He needed right here, right now to just be about them forgetting the bigger stuff for awhile; not trying to save the world or solve anything. He needed her comfort, her presence, her friendship, more than he needed her advice.</p><p>          After a few minutes of agonizing silence, she finally sighed. “Well sometimes people go somewhere to watch them. They’re like a big rectangle with a huge screen and a bunch of seats. A theater or cinema I guess you’d call it.” She looked down and he watched her face as she blinked slowly. “But you can actually watch them through the holonet too, but only in blue and white.”</p><p>          “Could we watch one? Together?” he asked hopefully. “Right now?”</p><p>          “Do you have time?” She sounded a bit confused and again it reminded him that he was a member of the council now, one would think he’d have far more pressing matters to attend to. But he didn’t know if he did, or really care if he did. He just wanted his time with her here to last as long as possible. It was something almost normal in his life that was decidedly not. It was reminiscent of old times but also felt entirely new too. It was like he knew her so well and was just meeting her and he didn’t want to make sense of that or lose the chance to. A new mission would come along soon enough, right now he wanted the little moments of lucidity to hold onto as tight as he could. And since she seemed to keep him more rooted than anything else right now, it meant holding onto her. </p><p>          “I always have time for you, Snips,” he smirked, trying to play off his desperation to keep her close. “I’m sure they’ll survive without my valuable input for awhile.” He puffed out his chest trying to look important and she laughed finally.</p><p>          “Okay, okay,” she said, relaxing into the chair. “Let me find a couple parts and we can set up a movie.” When she turned her back, he quickly turned off his comm.</p><p>          He admired her focus and determination as she seemed to fit a cone shaped object and a lens over the projector of a datapad. After tinkering for awhile, she came over to his bed and pulled the blanket back over him as a joke before stealing, with impressive strength, the white bed sheet under his butt. He pulled the blanket off his head and brushed his hair out of his eyes as he watched her hang the sheet up on the wall like a canvas using magnets.</p><p>          He had no idea why watching her set this up was so fascinating, but he liked it. It was still his room at the Jedi temple and yet somehow it felt transformed into their own little comfy space. Like it no longer felt like the stiff and sterile environment he was used to. And yet, all she’d done was hang a sheet on the wall. But as she moved the desk chair over in front of it and set down the datapad that now projected its screen onto the sheet, then closed the blinds, he felt transported to somewhere else entirely. A place that was just theirs, with no cares or fears or worries. </p><p>          She straightened after adjusting the datapad so it better aimed at the sheet and looked over her handiwork. “What do you want to watch?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder at him.</p><p>          “You pick,” he breathed, suddenly transfixed by the reflective glow on her face in the dim light. </p><p>          “Well I, uh, found this movie not that long ago. It’s not very exciting compared to what we’re used to, but I liked it.” She bit her lip. “The plot is a little silly and the acting isn’t the greatest but-”</p><p>          “I’m sure I’ll like it,” he assured her. Really, he didn’t care what they watched; he was just looking forward to a distraction. Honestly, he didn’t know much of anything about movies. They were things he’d heard of but never really had access to as a kid or as a Jedi. When were they allowed that kind of luxury anyways? Honestly this could be the worst movie in the world and he’d probably still enjoy it for the simple fact he’d never seen one before. So, there was the excitement and thrill of getting to experience it for the first time. </p><p>          “Well okay.” She didn’t sound very certain but pulled it up anyways and as it started, she went to flip the lights off in the room. Then she made her way back to the bed and sat down next to him, leaning back against the wall. </p><p>          He smiled at her and then turned his attention back to the makeshift movie screen she’d set up. But part of his brain kept wandering back to her next to him and he suddenly wished she was sitting closer. He wasn’t sure why, but it just felt like the kind of atmosphere where you’d hold onto each other in a relaxed, comfortable embrace. It made so much sense in his head, he nearly reached out to put his arm around her. He wasn’t sure what stopped him though. Instead he just dropped his hands in his lap, absentmindedly playing with the thumb piece of his mechanical hand.</p><p>          He tried to put his attention on the movie, laughing with her at corny moments or rolling his eyes when something clearly wasn’t true. Occasionally they joked about stupid things or made fun of a character’s choice that got them into trouble. As the movie went on and it got later and later, at one point they had to pause it because they got into a heated debate about what the characters should have done in that situation.</p><p>          She’d sided with the young girl who was being smart and cautious, but he felt the boy had made the better choice by investigating right away rather than waiting for backup. And they were a good ten to fifteen minutes into the argument when she randomly stopped and started laughing uncontrollably. “What’s so funny, Snips?” he asked in confusion.</p><p>          “I just figured out why I liked this movie,” she tried to pull herself together. He just watched her with a brow raised. Once she got her laughter under control, she finally looked over at him while still sporting an impish grin. He liked it, and the mischievous sparkle in her eyes. “It’s about us.”</p><p>          “What?” He started in surprise, glancing back at the screen as though it would confirm that it was indeed about them. </p><p>          “No, no,” she laughed again as though she knew exactly what he was looking for. “I don’t mean it’s literally about us, I meant it reminded me of us.”</p><p>          “I don’t follow...”</p><p>          “The boy,” she said, pointing to the main character frozen on the screen. “He’s a bit hot headed. Confident, but reckless. He’s a great leader but, doesn’t always consider other options.” She crossed her arms and looked back at him. “Any of this sounding familiar, Skyguy?” She smirked. “And the girl, see? She’s more cautious and level-headed. She’s the brains.”</p><p>          “What exactly are you implying?” He made a face and leaned closer to stare directly in her eyes, challenging her to repeat her slight against him. </p><p>          “It takes both,” she murmured, but her teasing smile suddenly faded. “That’s why we made a good team.” She turned and leaned back against the wall again. “I miss that,” she breathed. He sat back against the wall too, this time scooting closer to her and putting his arm around her shoulders like he’d wanted to earlier. She looked up at him and he hoped she wouldn’t ask him to let her go. “It’s not like I wish I was back in the middle of a war, but...”</p><p>          “Everything is different now...”</p><p>          “Yeah,” she sighed, and leaned down on his shoulder. “But at least, we still have each other, right?”</p><p>          “Of course, Snips,” he whispered, feeling a sudden rush of emotion. For the first time since everything had crashed down on him, it felt like he might or could cry. Like all of it had finally caught up with him and he couldn’t ignore it anymore. “I’ll always be here for you.” He didn’t expect her to say it back, no one ever really did. But it was a promise and he meant it. He couldn’t turn his back on her, she was all he really had left it felt like. Even beyond that though, he cared about her too much to let her down like that. </p><p>          “I know it wasn’t easy when I left, but thank you for always having my back,” she choked up and he squeezed her tighter. He waved his hand to play the movie again, not because he wanted to drown her out, but rather to hide the tears that’d suddenly blurred his vision. He couldn’t think about what they were watching anymore, all he could focus on was the way she felt pressed up against him. </p><p>          They were going to get through this. Somehow. He couldn’t process most of what he was feeling right then, maybe he’d never really understand. But even though the tears hurt, it felt like he was finally releasing some of the stuff he’d been bottling up inside. It felt like the pressure in his head and heart was starting to reduce down to something more manageable. It felt like he wasn’t so alone and lost anymore. </p><p>          He pulled up his sleeve on the right side so he could feel something physical more than her weight. Her skin was soft and warm pressed against his upper arm. Again, the citrusy smell of her sharpened in his senses. He closed his eyes and breathed it in, drifting into the force until he could hear her regular breathing, feel her heartbeat as if it was his own. He didn’t really think about whether or not she’d notice what he was doing but she didn’t pull out of his arms. </p><p>          He just sat there drifting, in a moment of almost peaceful relaxation. Her warmth transformed into a pool of light that bathed his senses and he absorbed it like a sponge. This... he had to remember this. No matter what.</p><p>          He wasn’t exactly sure when he zoned back in, but she was still leaning against him and the movie was still playing. Though by the sounds of it, it was wrapping up like it was almost over. He felt a rush of sadness that this would end soon, and he’d need to let her go. It was getting late after all and he didn’t know how far away she lived now. And while she was more than capable of taking care of herself, he didn’t like the idea of her going home alone with a faulty speeder and no way to make sure she got there safely without sounding way too overprotective. </p><p>          He glanced to the side and it took a moment to realize that she’d actually fallen asleep there in his arms. He smiled to himself. He liked it. It wasn’t the first time this had ever happened, during missions you had to rest when you could and sometimes it meant collapsing into a pile of bodies and succumbing to exhaustion all together. This time felt different though, more special. Maybe it was because she wasn’t around anymore, so it brought back memories. Or maybe it was the knowledge that despite everything that had happened, they still had that trust to be able to let down their guards. Or maybe it meant they were still friends, still okay, still had that something they’d always had... </p><p>          He looked back at the screen when the seemingly end music started playing, the softer kind. He saw the boy and the girl that she’d said reminded her of them. They leaned in and they kissed before it faded out to words and names. He stared at it blankly for a few minutes wondering. Then again, he raised his hand and tried to get the movie to rewind to what he’d missed. He also pulled the blanket the rest of the way out from under his butt and put it over them as carefully as he could without waking her.</p><p>          Obi Wan always frowned on frivolous uses of the force but what was so wrong with it? If you could use it that way, why not? He doubted the force really cared if you used it to float a blanket or lazily summon something from the other side of the room. What did it really matter?</p><p>          He tried to focus on the part of the movie he’d missed before but now that she’d mentioned it reminded her of them, that was all he could see. The situations the main characters were in would randomly fade out to the memory of a mission he’d run with Ahsoka. He’d hear not the actor’s voices, but their own. He’d see her smile instead of the girl’s, of hear himself whenever the boy spoke. It was strangely surreal to be watching his life on the screen instead of the movie.</p><p>          And when it again got to the moment where the two main characters kissed, he turned to look at the side of her head. She’d said she liked this movie because it reminded her of them. Did she mean the kiss too? They’d never kissed, no, but did she want that? Did she see them becoming that? Did she hope for that? He swallowed a lump in his throat.</p><p>          After what had happened with Padmé, he wasn’t really thinking about anything like that. In fact, it would be fair to say he wasn’t thinking about much of anything anymore. But he did like the way Ahsoka felt here next to him. He liked her concern for him, and their laughter together. He liked their friendship and their trust. The way they could just be... around each other. No pretense, no expectations, no failure. He didn’t want anything else right now. And he was probably reading too much into it. Just because she said these two characters reminded her of them didn’t mean they had to be exactly like them. Right?</p><p>          The movie finished running words and names and went to a blank screen. He half thought about watching that ending one more time but instead he just shut it off. The room went dark without the projector running and he heard one of the magnets fall off the wall. But he still didn’t want to move. He just wanted to sit there with her in comfort and warmth and just exist in the experience of that. </p><p>          He shifted a little to rest more comfortably next to her and she sighed ever so softly, curling into him. He smiled as he watched her relaxed expression for a minute and tucked the blankets around them closer. Then without another thought, he leaned his cheek down against her head and let out a deep breath. This was nice. He could get used to this. It was the most with it he’d felt since everything had happened. Part of him feared forgetting again. He almost didn’t want to sleep, but he was tired, and he felt it coming. </p><p>          He wondered what her lips felt like.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Have I ever mentioned how much I love Ahsoka? lol</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          He looked up from the speeder he was working on and wiped his brow. It was weird how he normally meditated and in some ways zoned out when working with his hands, but despite feeling that sense of calm and oneness with the force, it felt as though he’d stayed here this time. Rooted. He was starting to notice that feeling a lot when Ahsoka was around. Had it always been that way and he hadn’t noticed or was this new?</p><p>          He reached for the glass of cold meiloorunade that Ahsoka had brought over a short time ago and took a sip. He enjoyed the sweet and sour liquid and sighed in contentment. There was soft music playing in the background of the workshop they were in and it made him smile. He’d never paid much attention to music before, though he’d often heard the clones listening to it. It was oddly reminiscent of the cantinas back on Tatooine only this flavor was less rambunctious. </p><p>          They’d been working in comfortable silence trying to rebuild and repair her speeder most of the afternoon. He glanced around wondering where she’d gone. He saw her leaning over a work bench on the other side of the room, barely a few paces away, but her back was turned as she was focusing on the part she was working on. </p><p>          He stood up and stretched, his eyes lingering on her longer than he’d intended. She was wearing just a loose tank top and a pair of shorts, because it was hot and muggy in the small little workroom garage in the lower floor of her apartment. He was also just in his under tunic and pants, his sleeves rolled up and his gloves off. Despite the heat, it was comfortable, nice to just kind of let down for awhile. To not be dressed for battle or have a million layers on. It was yet another way things felt almost normal with Ahsoka around. Or what he assumed it was like to be normal. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this at ease, like he didn’t have to be on guard every second. He found himself wishing for it more and more and every time he got a taste of life outside the order, it was harder to go back. </p><p>          He started padding softly towards her, curious to see her progress, but halfway there the music shifted to something slow. He felt this urge bubble up in him that he couldn’t resist, something he’d never been brave enough to do with Padmé because she very rarely was relaxed or calm enough to just go with the flow. And though he had no idea how Ahsoka would respond to this, he suddenly needed it so badly it hurt. </p><p>          He reached out and touched her on the shoulders and she jumped a little in surprise, clearly not realizing he’d come up behind her. But before she could protest, he spun her around and took her in his arms. He started swaying to the music in a simple kind of dance. Her eyes were wide at first, but then she pulled off her goggles and slid her hand into his. She watched him curiously as they moved around the room, the twitch of a smile or smirk on her lips. </p><p>          He was surprised she’d relaxed into it so easily because their relationship had stayed firmly friends. But now as he felt her so close, comfortable and relaxed in his arms as they moved to a soft sweet slow song on the holoradio, he felt other things stirring inside him. He wanted to hold her and hold onto her for as long as he could. </p><p>          There was something magnetic about her eyes, maybe it had always been there, but he’d never considered it before. The way she read him, as though he were the book and yet was just as open to be the book too. They were a truly brilliant only slightly unnatural shade of blue but bright like the stars in the sky. Locked onto them he should have felt shame or fear but instead he felt only peace. They were deeper than he remembered too, pain but still joy. Her wild and bold spark still ready to leap out and make something burst into flames. Yet they were soft too, like the cool night air, peaceful like a calm sea. Her dark lashes framed them perfectly. </p><p>          She was his friend, and that alone warmed his weary soul. Whatever she was thinking didn’t resist the pull of the music as they glided around the room. After awhile he forgot there was other stuff there, tools and tables and parts. Somehow, they effortlessly missed them all lost in the beauty of the moment. </p><p>          He didn’t want to think about Padmé but he couldn’t help but wonder if she ever would have danced with him like this. Would they ever have sat in comfortable silence and peaceful stillness? Was it Ahsoka that made this feeling possible or a newfound appreciation for things he’d never seen before? He wasn’t sure. But what he did know, was that he felt it the strongest when <em>she</em> was close. And it was a feeling he really didn’t want to forget. But one he was also desperate to understand.</p><p>          For all his drive and need and agony over Padmé throughout the years, he couldn’t say he’d ever felt these things with her. His wife had been hot and intense, in some ways suffocating but all of those things had only made him want her more. Now parted from her, apparently for good, he should still be driven by that, still be wanting that, still be wanting to run back into her arms. And while he wouldn’t say that he didn’t miss her, their breakup only seemed to have carved it out. As though she simply took everything he’d ever had of her inside him and disappeared. Nothing left but a void, null of everything.</p><p>          And he might have assumed he’d continue to live that way for the rest of his life, no longer feeling anything at all. Simply drifting along, lost in the experience of nothingness. But then he started noticing how it felt like he was waking up whenever Ahsoka would call, or whenever she was around. As though he wasn’t a void, just part of him was nestled into hibernation. Every moment with her felt like that satisfying yawn and stretch before standing up to embrace another day. Her presence whispered promises that coaxed his heart out of hiding, and he didn’t know what that meant, but he reveled in the way it made him feel. Though it seemed to stumble reluctantly back into hiding whenever she was away again, as though it couldn’t fully commit to the new dawn until he knew she’d be there every day.</p><p>          But what he couldn’t figure out though, was why her? What was it about Ahsoka, about his former apprentice that made him feel things he craved? He’d never really thought of her that way. She was his friend, his student. He loved her of course, there was no question about that, but like one loved their family; like he loved Obi Wan and like he loved Rex and the rest of his men. She was a comrade, a person built by shared experiences, a relationship born under immense pressure and war. But her departure from the order had left a far bigger wound than the dissolution of his marriage. Even more strangely, her continued existence in his life despite her departure, a source of hope and deeply renewing comfort.</p><p>          The music increased its speed again and the spell broke. He went to twirl her to the beat but suddenly the room was there again, and he tripped over his open toolbox. He lost his balance, but she went right down with him. Before he could apologize, she started laughing. </p><p>          “What is it?” he asked, feeling a bit sheepish and embarrassed. Afraid she’d now make fun of him for needing that dance.</p><p>          She pointed to the ceiling and he followed her finger. Somehow in their floundering, one of the tools had gone flying and apparently had wedged itself in between the metal floor trusses. He tried to resist laughing but it tumbled out of him too. It felt strange, but good. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d really laughed. Not a genuine uncontrollable release anyways. It was hard to find things funny in the middle of a war. Hard not to be serious all the time. Hard to think of something other than the suffocating weight of responsibility and the lives under your care. It was nice to know she wasn’t laughing <em>at</em> him, only the outcome of their fall. </p><p>          “It’s nice,” she said suddenly, and for a moment he thought she was talking about her new ceiling decoration. But then he glanced to the side and saw her fold her arms over herself and relax, a smile still playing across her lips. </p><p>          “What?”</p><p>          “Your laughter,” she murmured. “It’s nice.”</p><p>          “I’ve laughed before,” he said a bit defensively.</p><p>          “Not like that.” She turned her head and he wanted to argue with her, but he knew she was right. When had he ever laughed like that? Especially around his padawan?</p><p>          She sat up and he didn’t want her to go but didn’t try to pull her back. Feeling weird laying there alone on the floor now, he got up too. </p><p>          “Thank you for the dance,” she said as she retrieved her goggles and headed back towards her workbench. He felt a rush of disappointment. That magical feeling had faded just as fast as it had risen in him, but he wasn’t ready to let it go yet. He wanted to reach out to her, to touch her, to hold her. In her arms he’d felt safe, like none of the things he’d spent his whole life running from could hurt him there. It wasn’t fair though, to expect so much of her. She had her own problems, her own life now. He was probably just complicating it with his incessant need to be around her whenever he was free to escape. </p><p>          He sighed and retrieved his cool drink before dropping down on the second step by the door back into the apartment. For a few minutes, he just watched her work, but his mind just kept wandering back to the dance. He wanted to feel her again, to move with her like that, to escape with her. She possessed what he was most craving, freedom. </p><p>          He dropped his chin and stared first at the glass in his hand and then at the floor. He was noticing this desire more and more to run away. When him and Padmé had broken up, he’d dragged himself back to the Jedi order like a wounded animal. He’d continued with his duties, falling back on the safety net of familiarity and expectation. And despite how much he hated that collar around his neck that kept him tethered to that role, it felt at the time as though that was quite literally his only future. Without Padmé, what was there to look forward to? What hope or plans lived on the horizon? What numbed the horror of endless battle but for the promise at its end?</p><p>          Now though, now he almost didn’t care if everything fell. If he were to throw in the towel and turn away. There was nothing to keep him fighting, no light at the end. In every moment, he was painfully aware of how easily he could just walk off into the setting sun just as Ahsoka had done before. And know, simultaneously, that he would feel nothing as the ground shook, as the people cried, as the order or Republic fell. He’d be deaf to all of it in every way. </p><p>          He became aware of the silence, almost more jarring than a loud and sudden noise. He blinked to clear the cloudy vision and looked up. Ahsoka was leaning back against the work bench, her goggles off, her arms crossed. She was staring as though studying an unknown object for the first time. He felt the tickle of her senses washing over him, submerging him in this strange electricity bath. He didn’t have the energy this time to put up his defenses and just slumped back against the door and played with the cup in his hands. </p><p>          The feeling couldn’t have lasted more than a minute or two, but the dread of all she’d find, or that there was nothing <em>to</em> find, stirred him to finally resist, and build back all his walls. The feeling faded but she said nothing, and he assumed she went back to work and let it go. But as she sat down on the step next to him a minute later, he should have known better. Who was he fooling anyways? When did Ahsoka ever let things go? Especially since they’d been seeing more and more of each other in the past few days. Unlike the others, she was far more observant of his mood swings. </p><p>          “I know something’s going on with you. Something you’ve been purposely avoiding and don’t want to talk about,” she said simply, but he still tensed anyways. He didn’t want to reopen all of it. He just wanted to keep moving, keep avoiding it as much as possible. Keep living in the small little moments where he didn’t have to think about it or live it for that matter. But he’d also known it was only a matter of time before she’d bring it up. “But I’m not your padawan anymore, so I can’t rightfully pry into your energy looking for answers.”</p><p>          “What made you think you could do that even then?” he tried to joke to dispel the tightness that locked its way through his body as though it was blast doors closing down entire sections. </p><p>          “It was my duty.” She shrugged. “Somebody had to watch out for you.”</p><p>          “Well you’d be the only one,” he murmured, turning away so she couldn’t see him wipe his eyes on his sleeve, ignoring the slight sting of the dust and grime.</p><p>          “That’s not true, but I know arguing with you would be pointless,” she sighed and stood up. “If you want to put anything on before we head out, I’ll be right back.”</p><p>          “Head out where?” He called after her in surprise. </p><p>          “I’m hungry,” she threw over her shoulder before the door closed between them. And what did that mean? Did they have to dress up to eat in her apartment, or were they about to go hunting?</p><p>          He shrugged and got to his feet. He really didn’t want to put his Jedi robes back on, so he looked around the room. He saw a jacket hanging from the hose of a shop vacuum in the corner and headed towards it. It would probably be too small for him but what would it hurt to try? Before he put it on though, he remembered he didn’t like his mechanical arm exposed and went looking for where he left his glove. </p><p>          He was pleasantly surprised and relieved that the jacket was big enough for him, though he briefly wondered who it could belong to if not her. Was there someone else in her life? Some other guy he didn’t know about? He supposed it hadn’t even crossed his mind now that she wasn’t even a Jedi that she might pursue a romantic relationship with someone else. But... why did it bother him so much? She was an amazing person; she deserved to find love and live a happy life with someone. Was it just the ache of missing Padmé that made that thought clench his heart?</p><p>          The door opened again, and he looked up to see she’d changed into blue coveralls instead of the tank top and shorts she’d been wearing. She looked him over but just shrugged and beckoned for him to follow. If this jacket belonged to her boyfriend or something, she didn’t seem particularly bothered by him wearing it.</p><p>          They walked down the street in comfortable silence though he didn’t really know where they were going. Eventually the buildings on the left side thinned out and opened up to a drop off down the core. They came up on a bustling market area near a shuttle port, very likely the main transportation hub on this level or several levels combined into one. </p><p>           She led the way towards a handful of food stands and they both ordered lunch. Though he felt guilty admitting to her he didn’t have any money. She just waved her hand and paid for them both without another word. Then they sat together at a table closer to the edge of the area where they could watch the ships ascending and descending up and down the core. Also, he noticed, there weren’t as many people in this area, so they had more privacy.</p><p>          He looked around, taking it all in. It was strange to be down here in the middle of a world he’d never really paid much attention to. Descending into the underbelly only for missions and business, nothing more. Stranger still at the realization that this was part of her world now. This unkempt, loud and busy place was where she lived and worked and existed. He wasn’t sure why it reminded him of her disappointment that even temple workers didn’t make a high enough wage to afford better accommodations.</p><p>          It also reminded him just how much of his past he’d purposely tried to forget. He reached across the table and squeezed her wrist, unsure what had possessed him to do that. She froze with the bite of food still on her utensil and looked up at him. He felt this rush of sorrow that this was what she’d been reduced to, that this was all she had. That for the most part she was alone down here, with none of the few luxuries afforded to Jedi, or a safe, clean and stable place to live. And worse yet, that no one from the temple, including himself, had given much thought to whether or not she was alright out here.</p><p>          But this fate awaited him too, did it not? If he were to leave the order? He’d have nothing. No credits to his name, no power or authority, no respect or prestige. And yet, considering the place he’d been for months now, the idea of disappearing into the depths where no one would look for him, where no one would care, or know him, held a strange amount of appeal. Even more so if Ahsoka stayed with him down here. If they lived like this together. If they continued on... <em>together</em>... this is the life he’d now gladly choose. But her life now probably didn’t have room for him.</p><p>          He let go of her wrist and dropped his chin, trying to focus back on his lunch but just poked at it, no longer hungry. She didn’t say anything right away, but he waited anyways, knowing the words would come at some point. </p><p>          To his surprise though, she swallowed a quick bite and then dumped the rest of her meal. “Come on,” she said.</p><p>          “Where are we going?” he asked.</p><p>          She didn’t answer and again beckoned him to follow. They weaved their way through the crowded port to a large holosign denoting shuttle departures. He stared at the list wondering what was on her mind. </p><p>          “What do you want?” she turned to him finally. He must have looked confused. “What do you want right this moment? What do you want most, right now?”</p><p>          He almost said her but caught himself. He looked back at the board, seeing how many shuttles there were to any number of planets. There was something strange about the way the galaxy seemed to open up at that realization. He’d only ever been able to go where he was directed to, never given the freedom to travel on his own. Never getting to choose his destination or time to wonder what his answer to where he’d go if he could choose would be. </p><p>          “Freedom,” he said finally, cringing at the admission. Though based on Ahsoka’s lack of surprise, she likely already knew what his answer would be. She pointed to the board.</p><p>          “Pick a place.”</p><p>          “What?” He raised his brow at her. Just because he said he wanted to leave or wanted to be free didn’t mean he really could or would. Not today, and not alone.</p><p>          “If you could go anywhere, where would you go?” she asked.</p><p>          “I don’t know...” he murmured nervously. As much as he hated Tatooine, he once might have said there, but only to see his mother again; to free her, to take her somewhere else. He once might have said Naboo, but that would’ve only been for Padmé; and she was no longer in the equation. He couldn’t think of any of the places he’d ever been throughout this war as a place he’d willingly return to.</p><p>          He glanced at Ahsoka, but she was still waiting expectantly as though she had no intention of leaving that spot until he made a decision. “Where would <em>you</em> go?”</p><p>          “That wasn’t the question, Skyguy!” She waggled her finger at him. Pick a place.”</p><p>          “But...”</p><p>          “Pick one. <em>Any</em> one.”</p><p>          “I don’t think...”</p><p>          “Don’t think,” she interrupted. “Feel.”</p><p>          He sighed and closed his eyes, reaching his hand out towards the board. This was dumb, how could he pick? Where could he go? Despite his desire to go, to leave, to run away, now faced with the option, he felt his feet go cold, fear trickle down his back. His hand stopped as he felt this crash go through him. </p><p>          “One ticket to Nal Hutta, coming right up,” she said. His eyes snapped open in fear.</p><p>          “No!” he called after her. “Ahsoka! Stop!” She’d disappeared through the crowd towards the ticket counters. He was feeling dizzy as he tried to scramble after her. Everything kind of spun out for a bit and he almost landed on his knees more than once. Just because he’d felt something when he pointed there, didn’t mean that’s where he wanted to go!</p><p>          She turned around as soon as he caught up with her and held up a small ticket, clearly denoting Hutta as the destination and handed it to him. “Stop fighting your past, Anakin,” she said. “Or you’ll never have a future.”</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I've been trying to get back to older stories, I didn't mean to let them just drop off. With everything going on, it became too hard to juggle them like I was before. So anyways, I appreciate your patience!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          He watched her thumb slide across the back of the ticket and then twisted her fingers and split it into two. He stared at it a moment before looking up at her face. “It’s now or never,” she said carefully, as though she knew he was frantically trying to come up with reasons not to go through with this. Although he had no idea why she thought Nal Hutta was the right place or what she hoped for him to find there, he had to admit that knowing she’d come with him made it considerably less scary. Well, he was still scared, mainly because he had a hunch, he’d end up just massacring the hutts rather than learn any kind of lesson. And he wasn’t sure he wanted her to see or learn any of it. Not because he didn’t trust her but because... she was the only good thing he had right now, and he didn’t want to lose her.</p><p>          He’d never had to go to Hutta before thankfully, but he knew full well that Gardulla was still alive and lived there now. Though he’d only been her slave for a few months, she was the only master before Watto that he remembered clearly. And with all his forgetting lately, he wished he could forget <em>those</em> memories. He’d tried to block them out over the years, but they still gave him nightmares this many years later.</p><p>          “I don’t want to go,” he said finally, feeling like everything was spinning a bit. “You don’t understand how long I’ve been trying to escape this.”</p><p>          “Anakin,” she said softly. “I don’t know the details of your past, but I <em>do</em> understand. More than you realize, what it’s like to run from things. But it’s obvious by your reaction to a simple ticket that this baggage needs to be dealt with if you ever want a good future. The Jedi are wrong about ignoring it. Maybe for most of us that works because we don’t remember enough of where we came from. But <em>you</em> do.” </p><p>           She brought her hand up and touched him softly, almost intimately, on his cheek and he was surprised by her sudden boldness and affection. Yet even as it surprised him, he felt the gentle massage of her fingers on his skin and instantly relaxed as though she’d soothed the beast that had begun raging inside of him the moment anything of his past was brought up. </p><p>          Her hand dropped to his shoulder and then slid down his left arm until she lifted his hand to meet it. She dropped the ticket in it and closed his fingers around it. “If you don’t want to go, I won’t force you, but I worry about what will happen if you keep letting all of it build up.”</p><p>          “Can we just, go on vacation or something? Get away for awhile? Go to a resort or something instead?” he pleaded. “Maybe I just need a break, maybe some rest. Then everything will be fine!”</p><p>          She dropped her head, and his eyes traced the lines of her montrals as he noticed how much they’d branched off from the clean stripes they’d been before. “Will it though?” she asked finally, looking up at him again. “I’m not blind, Anakin. I can tell you’re really lost right now. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if I’m responsible, but this isn’t normal. Even for you. I know I had to leave the order, but you’re still my friend and I want to help.”</p><p>          “You’re not responsible,” he said quickly, hoping she wouldn’t pull away. Yeah, maybe her leaving made things harder but... “what happened has nothing to do with my past. This just seems, too hasty maybe.” He dropped his chin feeling stupid.</p><p>          “You were a slave, weren’t you?” The way she asked meant she knew he was of course; she was just trying to lead him somewhere.</p><p>          He glanced around, making sure nobody was paying attention to them. “Yes...” he said hesitantly. </p><p>          “So, I’m correct in assuming that you want to feel free?” She squeezed his hand gently. “You told me that you knew all about wanting to leave the order but then you stay because you think you have to. Now it seems like you don’t want to stay anymore at all, but you still don’t leave. But even if you left, right now, would you feel free?”</p><p>          “No,” he admitted, dropping his shoulders. He leaned into her and she hugged him.</p><p>          “The things that trap you are in your mind, and I don’t mean like that bomb you had before. If you don’t face them, no distance from the order, no future, will ever feel like freedom. It’s something you have to deal with, nobody else can grant you that.”</p><p>          He took a rattling breath, feeling the truth of her words as it slid through him. Though he wasn't as sure as her, he still knew she was right. But why right now? Why drop everything and run off on some indefinite journey?</p><p>          “Because the longer you wait, the worse it gets,” she answered his question before he could ask. He’d forgotten what it was like to be around someone that noticed his feelings. “And with the stress from the war, it’ll blow up in your face if you don’t get a handle on it.” She sounded like she was speaking from experience.</p><p>          “Okay.” He straightened and tried to set his jaw. It was like going into battle, right? No amount of intel could fully prepare you for what was coming. Sometimes you had to face it even if it didn’t go your way. Sometimes you had to think on your feet, readjust as you go. Except in this case, his enemy was himself, and all too familiar. And thinking on your feet meant little when the enemy knew all your moves. </p><p>          She pointed towards the shuttle and linked her arm with his. But he wouldn’t be alone this time. Ahsoka was with him. She’d hold the candle; she’d watch his back. And maybe that was the one advantage the enemy didn’t have... she changed the tactics, which changed the variables, which changed the battles and the war. He just hoped she wouldn’t run away as soon as she saw what she was really facing...</p><p>          They settled into their private cabin for the journey. While the shuttle wasn’t very fancy, a trip this long meant everybody had their own room pretty much. Except for coach. There were bigger rooms with lots of beds stacked on top of each other, so they had only their own sleeping spaces for privacy but common areas to share for everything else. Ahsoka had made sure they had their own little cabin with a stacked bunk bed and a refresher, a bench by the window and a small desk. He was grateful for that. It made the trip seem less daunting not having to be crammed in with everyone else. They’d still have to go to the commissary for provisions, but otherwise they could stay in their room. </p><p>          He hoped not everybody aboard was going to Hutta since there were several other stops along the weeklong trip. He couldn’t imagine what good awaited them there. Hutt worlds were places for all sorts of criminals to find work, slave trades, cults, debauchery, raucous music and wild parties. Which probably sounded exciting to some but could result in real bad habits and getting mixed up in things you shouldn’t. Especially if any of the hutts suddenly decided you were delicious, you might never come back from your trip. </p><p>          “Hey,” she poked him after sitting down next to him on the bench as he stared out the window. “You alright?”</p><p>          “What do <em>you</em> do for fun?” he asked, taking the food bar she handed him. “Since leaving the order?”</p><p>          “You’re really hung up on the fun thing,” she smirked. “Well, I read. Sometimes I find movies to watch. I listen to music. Hard not to in the underbelly, cantinas can be heard from everywhere at all hours. I guess that’s it.”</p><p>          “You don’t ever go out? To meet people? Go have a drink, make friends?” He frowned a little in concern. It wasn’t that she couldn’t enjoy those quieter things, but... she’d been so popular at the temple, outgoing, it wasn’t hard for her to make friends. So, it was strange she spent so much time by herself. Not being a Jedi anymore meant limitless possibilities, an opportunity to have a normal life. But instead, she seemed to have withdrawn, choosing to live more like a hermit or a monk; she was surrounded by people, but interacted with very few. He was worried about her. If he left the order, he wanted to experience everything he’d ever been denied.</p><p>          “No.” She looked down and rubbed her arms. “I guess I’ve turned into kind of a loner. Most people you meet outside the temple don’t want anything to do with Jedi, even if you’re not one anymore. So how do you make real friends when you have to lie to them right off the bat about what you are and where you came from? Besides, I still have you, and Rex and the 501st, right? What more do I need?”</p><p>          He shifted so his arm was up on the back of the seat and she could scoot closer if she wanted to. She did, and then she leaned down on his shoulder. Memories floated back through him of their movie night and falling asleep side by side like that, warm and fuzzy, thinking about that kiss at the end. He inhaled just to smell her again. “Are you happy?” he asked finally.</p><p>          “Right now?”</p><p>          “Well, I mean, where you are? Now that you left. Are you happy, did you find what you needed?” he persisted. </p><p>          She sat up and looked him up and down, but he didn’t move his arm off her shoulders. He studied her brilliant blue eyes, wishing they could stay in their own little world like this forever. They’d only left Coruscant a few hours ago and it already felt like the Republic, the Jedi, the war... none of it existed out here. Like it was a fever dream from another reality. Right now, he just felt him and her and this little room that felt like only theirs. And a strange peace even if he feared what they’d find at the end of the ride. </p><p>          “Yes and no,” she said finally. “The wounds cut deep and I’m still trying to heal. But... I feel less lost even as I am lost than I did when I was found.” She furrowed her brow. “That didn’t make sense, did it?”</p><p>          “Not really, but I think I know what you meant,” he smirked. She made a face and then laughed softly. “You’re lost from their perspective because you walked away from their order and their beliefs out into a world they don’t understand. But you feel more in tune with yourself out in this unknown place than you did with them. But because you still see some things from their perspective you feel as though you should feel lost, but you don’t. Not the way you expected to, anyways.”</p><p>          “Yeah...” she murmured finally. “That.” She looked down and played with the edge of the jacket he was wearing. “What does that say about me?” she asked, in her voice a sudden rush of fear. “Maybe I <em>am</em> crossing that line?”</p><p>          “Not possible,” he replied quickly, trying to reassure her. “I think you’re the only one that’s right.” </p><p>           She looked up at him with such hope that he sincerely hoped he <em>was</em> right after all. She was the lightest person he’d ever met, there was no way that leaving the order somehow made her cross a line into the land of the Sith. Or into the dark side of the force. If anything, he was the one there, living in that darkness within the light of the order. But maybe... maybe the order wasn’t really light? Because whenever he was near Ahsoka, he felt like she was this beacon, like this firmly rooted light source that as long as he stayed near her, nothing in the darkness could get him. Which was something he didn’t feel around any of the others, at least not to that degree. </p><p>          They felt more like headlights than streetlamps. When they looked at you, you were in their light, so much so it was blinding and hardly comforting because it made you feel like anything could be sneaking up behind you that you’d never see coming. But when they turned their back, instead of feeling protected, you felt left behind, where the shadows could swallow you whole. </p><p>          But Ahsoka was like a ring of light in every direction, that if you run into it, you can still turn around and see what was trying to get you. But as long as you stayed within the light, you’d feel safe, you’d feel like you could heal, that nothing would get you. That even if she turned away, it didn’t matter, because her light still protected you because it came from above not only in the direction she pointed. She was the kind of light the Jedi should be but weren’t. She was a light like his mother had been. Like he’d <em>tried</em> to be. </p><p>          “Ever since leaving, I’ve questioned every move I make, afraid somehow I was going to step over some invisible line,” she admitted. “That’s stupid, I know.”</p><p>          “Hey,” he said gently, reaching up to brush the tear off her cheek. “I don’t think the light side and dark side work like that. Besides, just because you don’t live like a Jedi doesn’t mean you’re suddenly a Sith. I’m not even entirely sure the Sith and the Jedi are opposite sides of a spectrum. What if we’re all just circling the light with varying distances from it? Like a solar system instead of a linear measurement?”</p><p>          He watched her chew on her lip for a moment and then look up at him again. “So, what matters is how close we are to the sun rather than which planet we’re on? Wait...”</p><p>          “Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best analogy.” He rolled his eyes. “But yeah, something like that.” He found himself admiring the way her markings were slowly spreading out across her maturing features. It was interesting to see how certain parts kept growing well into adulthood. He almost envied her in a way. Her appearance could keep changing. Years in the future, she wouldn’t have to be the same person. Obviously, there would be similarities, but she’d never look exactly the same way forever.</p><p>          She seemed to be studying him too, for a few minutes they just stared at each other and then to his surprise, she leaned forward and put her arms around his neck. He pulled her against him, which ended up pulling her onto his lap completely. She didn’t seem to mind though and he liked the way she felt cuddled up there against his chest. He massaged his fingers softly across her back and held her tight. </p><p>          <em>Please, please, please let me remember this</em>, he silently begged the force. He was starting to notice this increasing need to be with Ahsoka. Not necessarily as anything other than friends, even if he still found himself thinking about kissing her on occasion. But he liked being around her like this. Like two normal people that were anything but normal. Not constrained by Jedi rules or relationships. Just two people existing in the comfortableness with each other. The more time he spent with her, the less he cared about the war, or his duties or any title or expectation. And maybe that wasn’t a good thing. But he liked it here. In her ring of light, he didn’t feel so lost. </p><p>          When she didn’t let go, he assumed she needed the hug as badly as he did, and he tipped his head back and closed his eyes. It felt like years of heartbreak and suffering was easing its way out of him. He should probably be worried about leaving without telling anyone. About not letting anyone know where they were headed. About having no way for anyone to contact him. But the longer he sat there with her in his arms, the easier it was not to care. </p><p>          He didn’t know what truth awaited him on Hutta or anywhere else they’d eventually go, but now that they’d left, even if it hadn’t been with the intention of never going back, he didn’t want to. The only piece of his brain still currently tethered to the war was worrying about Rex and his men and how they’d fare without him. But considering how lost and blank he’d been for awhile, it might actually be better for them to not have him around. They were smart though; he just had to trust them and have faith they’d survive. </p><p>          Ahsoka shifted in his lap and he was afraid this meant she was ready to let go, so he loosened his arms if she wanted to get up. But instead, she buried herself in his neck and curled in tighter. He reached out with the force and pulled the two pillows from their bunk beds to his hand and shoved them between them and the wall. She relaxed into the added support and he put his arms back around her and slumped into the pillows too. </p><p>          “Anakin,” she whispered after awhile. He thought she’d fallen asleep. </p><p>          “Hmm?” he murmured. The position shouldn’t be that comfortable, yet somehow it was the most relaxed he’d ever been. In fact, had she not spoken, he very likely would have fallen asleep himself a few moments later.</p><p>          “Thank you,” she said, moving enough to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. He smiled at the feel of it, overwhelmed by a surprising rush of emotion. </p><p>          “What are you thanking <em>me</em> for?” he asked. “I should probably be thanking you.”</p><p>          “There’s a lot of things to thank you for, but right now? It’s for this,” she breathed. He turned his head to look at her. She was watching him, her eyes darker and deeper than normal but not in a sorrowful way. </p><p>          “Anytime, Snips,” he said finally, reading her eyes. “Whenever you need it. Truth be told, I probably need it too.” He was thinking about kissing her again, was that weird? Can you kiss your friends or was that too far? </p><p>          “So much for no attachments, huh?” she giggled and buried her face in his shoulder. </p><p>          “Yeah, that never worked.” He blew air out the side of his mouth. </p><p>          “When was the last time you actually <em>heard</em> one of Obi wan’s lectures about it?”</p><p>          “Now that’s just silly, Snips. If I’d heard any of them, do you think I’d be having this problem?”</p><p>          “Yes.” She didn’t even hesitate in her response and then giggled again when he frowned. </p><p>          “How rude,” he pretended to impersonate Jar Jar. She laughed harder and fell back into the pillows. She was now draped across his lap, but he didn’t mind at all, his only concern was not really knowing where to put his hands. He used his right one to brace himself on the seat so he didn’t fall over too, afraid he’d hurt his back if he stayed that way too long, and he gently rested his left on her abdomen hoping she’d cue him if he was doing something he shouldn’t. She didn’t tell him to move it, so he relaxed after a few minutes. </p><p>          “So, what do <em>you</em> do for fun?” she asked after they both kind of settled into this new position. He liked it better when she was snuggled into him, but this was nice too. It still felt good, there was still some physical contact between them, and he still felt safe. </p><p>          “Are you kidding?” he smirked. “Jedi don’t ever get to have fun.”</p><p>          “I didn’t ask what the Jedi do for fun, I asked what <em>you</em> do.”</p><p>          “Yeah, but I <em>am</em> a Jedi, so the same applies,” he said stubbornly.</p><p>          “Being a Jedi is only part of who you are. Maybe a big part right now, but still only part. There is so much more to you than just a Jedi,” she whispered, bringing up her left hand to rub his arm. “You’re not my master anymore, you don’t have to put on a show; pretending you’re some big, tough general that always knows what he’s doing.”</p><p>          “I know, but I don’t know what I am outside of the order,” he admitted, looking down and playing with the soft leather of her belt. </p><p>          “Well...” she said thoughtfully. “Non-Jedi you is a good dancer.” He blushed a little remembering their time this afternoon. He still had no idea what had possessed him to do that, but it had felt so right and so good. “You like to tinker and improve things. I’ve seen you build modifications and whole contraptions from scratch. What else do you like to do outside your Jedi duties?”</p><p>          “Uh... I like to draw, I guess.”</p><p>          “You can draw?” Her eyes widened in excitement.</p><p>          “I said I like to, I didn’t say I was good at it,” he sighed.</p><p>          “Will you draw me something?” she asked eagerly. “If I got you some paper and tools?”</p><p>          “I could probably do that, but don’t get too excited! It’s not as impressive as it sounds.”</p><p>          “Oh give me a break, Skyguy,” she huffed. “Considering the care and attention you give to everything else, I bet your talent is amazing.” He blushed again, this time for an entirely different reason.</p><p>          He shifted a bit so he could lay down onto the pillows too, and she moved to give him room. It was funny that there were two beds right on the other side of the room barely a few steps away, but he suddenly had no desire whatsoever to move or get up. She was still more on her back, and he had to kind of wiggle in on his side, but when he brought his feet up and curled up a bit, she let her legs hang over his. He put his left arm around her and pulled her into him, so he didn’t have to worry about pushing her off the bench. At least the seats were wide enough they could be used to sleep on. Probably not for two people though.</p><p>          “Are you comfortable?” he asked, even though he was hoping she wouldn’t move.</p><p>          “No,” she said with enough of a smile he could hear it in her voice. </p><p>          “Too bad,” he muttered. “Because I’m not either.”</p><p>          “Then what are we doing?” she laughed.</p><p>          “Sleeping.” </p><p>          “Okay,” she breathed. She somehow slipped her left arm under his neck which actually managed to support it a bit better and he reveled in the way it felt to be held again. Padmé had never been much of a snuggler, but on occasion there’d been times in her arms that felt good. Not like this though. This felt different, <em>special</em>. He didn’t want it to end.</p>
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